I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
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I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
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You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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