I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
