After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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