tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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