he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
