i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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