i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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