i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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