I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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