would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Four minutes until I can fart!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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