Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
