it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
