i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
