After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
