carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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