i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I need a hoe opinion
go on
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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