What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
