I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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