a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
