new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
