When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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