It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
