that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
