Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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