Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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