i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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