My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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