Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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