Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I party with great urgency now.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
