Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
