I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
