Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize