TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
