I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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