If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
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I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
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I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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