I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
