I hope mine doesn't look like that
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
