Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She said her name was "party"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
