You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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