you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
