From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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