Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
