Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
