if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
