pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
