she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we made out on top of his cat.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I love having hate sex.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
