just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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