When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
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Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
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You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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