FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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