I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
