Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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