You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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