the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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