Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
