Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
