im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's official drugs can't kill me
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
