Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
