on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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