Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
