My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
