I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
