Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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