I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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