if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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