I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
