Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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