just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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