The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
