It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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