Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
