bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
