Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize