Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
