It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
