This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
