what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Michael Bay diarrhea
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
