never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
