tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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